She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
