His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I enjoy the company of your penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
