you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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