just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
