i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
