what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
