I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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