I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
