put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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