somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
