I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
