? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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