i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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