Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
