I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Randomize
