I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
