There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
