Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I smell stomach acid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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