it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
