Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
