My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
