I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
