I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
