If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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