No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
