Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your tits are I can't wait for
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
