I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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