I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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