does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
