do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
