You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
