Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
