I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
