Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
