it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
