your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
