I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
