i already hear my dad disowning me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
