dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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