i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
