WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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