i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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