Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
