Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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