The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
