did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
