i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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