One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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