dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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