Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
